NEWS FLASH: Sexual assault is always the responsibility of the person who committed it. It is never the victim's fault. Ever. No matter what they said, wore, did, or drank.

Sexual ambiguity is nothing new. People flirt, drink and mess around all the time. We might not, in the early stages, be sure exactly where things are going.

But sexual assault is not ambiguous. In fact, in Colorado law it's pretty cut and dry: Sexual assault is sex without consent. To paraphrase the law:

Sexual assault is sexual contact (not just intercourse) where one of the parties has not given or cannot give active verbal consent - i.e., uttered a clear "yes" - to the action. (Sexual Assault 18-3-402 CRS)

Visit the Colorado Homepage to read more about the law.

What Consent Doesn't Mean

Boiled down, the language of the law underscores a few key things about sex and consent, despite whatever myths you may have come across about rape. It comes down to this:

A person not saying "no" doesn't mean s/he is saying "yes." They might, for instance, be too uncomfortable or scared to speak up. They might be figuring out how to get out of the room. They could be completely trashed and not know what's going on. They might be wondering what the hell is happening.

• If you need a guideline for interpreting, keep in mind that only "yes" means "yes" and don't go further until you're sure it's okay with the other person.

Silence does not equal consent. Silence can mean a million different things: fear, bewilderment, bad intentions, confusion, and so on. On either side of a sexual situation, pursuing or being pursued, you can't afford to assume you know what the other person is thinking.

• This is where you want to make use of your mouth and ask. Just because the person is cooperating doesn't mean that s/he is giving consent. Make sure you know what your partners desires and intentions are.

If you hear "no", take it as a red light and don't dare run it. Some people buy into the mistaken idea that people say no just so they don't come off as "slutty" when they choose to be sexual.

• This is usually a justification invented by people who don't want to hear "no", but even if you don't believe us, it doesn't hurt to stop when you hear anything that sounds remotely like no. If you don't, you clearly risk committing a sexual assault.

What to do About It

If you think you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, please do one of the following:

• Seek counseling from a professional who knows something about sexual assault.
• Connect with the "rape crisis" center or other student resources at your school. [Go to the Resources & Links section for local campus information.]
• Talk to someone you trust about it.
• Call the  RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE to be connected to a "rape crisis" center near you.
• Visit the CCASA (Colorado Coalition Against Sexual Assault) website then go to Hotlines to find a "rape crisis" center in your area (Colorado only).

Sidebar for guys:

You probably know the kind of guy who never takes the hint, who probably wouldn't stop pursuing sex with a woman even if she clubbed him with a hammer. Some guys - even good-looking, popular guys who seem to get all the girls - can be purposeful, serial violators.

If you know of a guy like that and you want to do something, you can talk to him, a counselor or your local police department; you could be saving countless women from sexual assault. If you see a guy in action that you think might be trying to pressure a woman, find a way to intervene; it could make all the difference. (See bystander intervention skills for more information.)

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