The bright side to all this creepy talk about the dangers of non-consensual sex is that the solution to most ambiguous sexual situations you'll encounter is pretty straightforward. In fact, working it out orally is often a turn on in and of itself. Long story short: Your best chance for avoiding an ambiguous situation gone terribly wrong is to STIMULATE CONVERSATION.

That's not to say that verbal communication will get a person out of any dangerous sexual situation. Sometimes physical self-defense and other strategies (like getting the heck out of there) are called for. Nor does it imply that victims of date and acquaintance rape are simply poor communicators. But people who study these dynamics know that the more communication there is between partners from the beginning, the greater the chance of avoiding sexual assault. 

And there are other benefits. If you are attracted to someone and you're interested in fooling around with them, putting it out there verbally can save you a lot of embarrassment later if they turn out not to be into it and shut you down. But if they are interested, your asking may make them appreciate you even more.

Scenarios for Using Oral Skills

Think about other scenarios where communication is a bonus. For instance, if you're making out with someone, you can ask them if they want to go further, and if they say no, then at least you know and you can enjoy making out without worrying about the rest.

I met this guy at a party and we ended up going home together. We were making out in his bed and he asked me, "Can I have sex with you?" I said, "No, I would like to see you again before I have sex with you." And that was that. He didn't bring it up again.

If you're being pursued sexually and you're aware that there's a line you don't want to cross, communicating your boundaries early on can be a relief for you and the other person. That way, no one has to guess or feel weird. If your boundaries aren't being respected, you'll be able to tell pretty clearly if you listen to your instincts.

Even if you're disappointed with the answer you get after checking in, it's a lot better than inadvertently violating someone's boundaries or finding out later that what you thought was something else was actually rape. Besides, being disappointed once doesn't mean that's your only opportunity with someone.

I went dancing with some friends at a club. Afterwards we decided to go swimming with some guys that we met at the dance club. I was making out with one of the guys in the hot tub and he asked me if he could have sex with me and I said, "No, we just met."  Then we exchanged numbers later that night and ended up talking and going out again.

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