"Hey," you say, "All this talk stuff's fine. But how am I supposed to know what's going on if the other person's not saying anything?"

Even before you get in the nitty gritty of actually communicating verbally with a person you want to be sexual with, there are typically lots of non-verbal yes, no and maybe signs right in front of you. All you need to do is pay a little attention to body language. Then, instead of interpreting, go ahead and ask (or state) what's up, so neither of you are in the position of guessing.

Never assume that body language gives you implicit permission to do anything sexually. Consent for sex always requires an active, verbal yes. But in the early stages of sexual contact (starting with kissing), here are some suggestions about speaking body language.

1. Take off your beer goggles (or don't put them on in the first place). Chances are, the more alcohol you've consumed, the less clued in you are, not only to yourself, but also to other people, even someone you think is giving you the green light. Keep this in mind, especially in a potentially sexual situation. It may be hard to get un-drunk, but if in doubt about someone's sexual signals - or their agenda - take stock of where you are and what's going on as early as you can and start talking.
2. If she seems to be pulling back, she probably is. In other words, if you sense physical resistance from another person, chances are they're not just acting coy. If you sense any hesitation, you need to stop and check in. This includes not kissing back or not moving. Like silence, physical passivity does not equal consent.
3. If he is trying to get you alone, chances are he doesn't just want to show you his aquarium. Sometimes people seem friendly enough but their physical behavior betrays other intentions. If you aren't sure what someone's intentions are and  you decide to be alone with that person, be clear about what you are or are not signing up for. Whatever you need to do to feel comfortable is perfectly okay. If your instincts tell you something is not right, you may want to leave the situation.

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